I have taken a hiatus from my weight loss because, well, our round of fertility treatments worked. I’m currently pregnant with twins. Right now I’m just trying to function and feed these babies. I am trying to eat healthier for them, but it’s hard when I have to eat every few hours or else I have a dizzy spell. Once they arrive I do plan to jump back on the wagon in whatever capacity I can. I know it will be difficult though, I’ll have three children under three (assuming all goes well) struggling with breast feeding and just functioning for the first bit. My plantar fasciitis has no gotten any better despite the resting I’ve done, so I don’t know how feasible it would be for me to return to jogging. Walking alone presents a challenge. But, these are obstacles I’ll get to when I get to them. For now, I’m taking things one day at a time and focusing on survival.
Sometimes life just gets right in the way of living and doing stuff. After my string of bad luck, I entered another string of bad luck. And you know… stuff. I was doing really well for awhile, then I’d get off track, then I’d get back on track.
So I’m back on track. Sort of. I am working out, I am trying to follow my diet, but I do have my off days. It’s a process. I can’t weigh myself because my scale broke, which I found oddly liberating and I haven’t made any effort to replace it. I probably should. Or at least track my measurements!
In addition to my jogging I decided to up the ante and added “The 30 Day Shred” with Jillian Michael’s to my repertoire. (found here). I survived level one yesterday, and when I woke up today I discovered muscles I’d totally forgotten I had. It’s not like there was anything special in there, but it was all new to my body. And let me tell you, she did not know what to make of things! Like I said, I survived though. I managed to jog today. Here’s to hoping I can struggle through “the 30 day shred” again tomorrow!
I have to get my bridesmaid dress measured for alterations in a couple weeks, so getting things under control would be great.
So that’s where things stand. My clothes still fit, so I can’t be doing too bad. I don’t think I’m seeing much loss though (read: any loss).
It’s been a rough month here. There’s been a lot of stress, financial strain, and emotional eating. The last two weeks I’ve tried really hard to curb that in, and I’ve kept my net calories within 1,300-1,500 a day. I did allow myself one cheat day each week, and even on my cheat day I stayed under 1,800cal- so that’s great! I’ve tried to keep jogging, without being so serious about it. I allow myself days off, skipping my jog in favor of walks, etc… but I stay within my calories.
As a reward for that hard work, I’ve lost 1.4lbs each week! I’m still not down to where I was, but I AM making progress. That’s what’s really important, that I’m no longer stagnating and wallowing in my own self pity. Depression sucks, it lies and it takes you places you don’t want to go. I’m glad I’ve gotten out of my funk, at least for the moment. I can feel myself sinking a little from the recent stress, but I’m managing to stay afloat. For now.
I’ve been eating a lot of fruit instead of snacks. My day generally goes: Cereal, Veggie Wrap or PB&J with some grapes, then a 500cal dinner, and 200cal worth of snacks (sugar free fudge pop, watermelon, more grapes, banana, etc…). On days I jog I tend to eat a heavier breakfast, like french toast or a bagel. I also allow myself a heavier dinner on those days, since my workout allows the extra.
I’m a really picky eater, so I don’t vary it up much. I know that’s something I could work on, but I don’t really have the desire. My husband gets bored with the same meals over and over, but it takes a lot of repetitiveness for me to (like months of the same thing).
This morning the scale said 177.2lbs, which is better. Hopefully I can get it down a little more yet!
I jogged tonight, after my week and a half sabbatical.
Sweet word, why did I do this to myself?
I’m sore, and barely walking, but at least I did it. Now to stay within my calories today, and I’ll be good.
My foot was feeling better so I though I’d jog yesterday. Until I was on the floor with my son, and managed to mangle my toenail. My big toe feels pretty bruised still, and the nail is ripped about a fourth of the way down, but it didn’t bleed much. I’m going to have to wrap it at night, and try to just wear sandals as much as possible, for now. Hopefully I can wrap it and jog later in the week.
The weather here has been all over the place. Super hot and humid. Then super wet. Last week it rained almost every day, and the forecast says more of the same this week. We have not gotten out for a walk in awhile now.
So I suppose I should just focus on my diet.
I have started eating healthier, and unfortunately that brings side effects for my anti-diabetic medication (Metformin). Lettuce in particular, or other leafy vegetables, do not mix well with this medication. I’ve been eating a lot of veggie pitas, loaded with lettuce, cucumber, Swiss cheese, and peppercorn ranch dressing; really tasty, and low in calories. Unfortunately it leads to massive tummy upset, and makes jogging after impossible anyway. Like I need another thing working against my exercise setbacks. The only thing I can do is eat it on non-jogging days, or skip it entirely. They taste really good, so I’m loathe to part with them. On the other hand, the side effects are really bad.
I started taking my Flaxseed capsules last week, and started my Inositol powder last night. Hopefully they won’t make things worse.
I ate great Monday through Thursday, got my workout on and everything! Friday was a “free day” since we were going to be out of town. Saturday and Sunday I did not stick to my plans. Sunday, when it came time to jog, I was unable. I did something to my foot, so that it hurts when I bend it. I also got sunburned on my shoulders from the beach. Ugh! I’m hoping a little rest and a couple days will set thing right, all around.
In the meantime, I’m planning to stick to my meal plans this week. Without exercise, that means I’ll be limited to 1,500cal a day. Which is torture! But I think I can do it, so long as I resist temptation. I really struggle with eating that little, and I know it’s not ‘that little’ but to me it seems like it. By making some smarter food choices it should be totally doable though!
I really hope I can get back on the treadmill tomorrow, but if I can’t I just need to keep focusing on my diet.
The scale had went down a little over the week, but over the weekend it creeped back up. How does that happen so quickly? Gah.
I hit a hard place with my diet. Infertility and depression crept in as dark intruders, and battered me. I’ve struggled to stay active. I’ve say that I’ve struggled to stay on my diet, but the truth is that I’ve failed. Completely. I’m flailing horribly, trying to grab a hold on something, to find solid footing. I’ve been eating emotionally, charged with sadness, impatience, and longing. I keep craving sweets, and I try to tell myself that I deserve them for what I’m going through.
It’s this mindset that’s gotten me into this mess to begin with. It’s this style of eating, this depression, that gained me 100lbs. I know that I need to stop the cycle, but I honestly don’t know how. I’m trying to be firmer with myself. I’m trying to just maintain right now, not even lose, just maintain until the storm passes. Yet, I’ve regained 5lbs.
It’s disheartening how quickly you can put the weight back on, and yet how very long it takes to shed.
I don’t think we’ll be doing anymore medicated cycles this year. We may go back in October, but I think this cycle is it for now. Being able to focus on other aspects of my life, would be nice. Not being trapped by timing, appointments, and what ifs, was liberating last year. I can only hope that it will be so this summer too. I’ll still have the sense of failure, it’ll still be hard having other’s fertility to contend with, but I’ll survive. I have better hopes for next year… finances willing.
I just need to make it through this month, and try to reign in my diet sabotage.