Monthly Archives: October 2012

Let’s talk about sizes


I was excited to be able to purchase an XXL in girly tees this week. I got this shirt actually. I thought it was perfect. I’ll come back to that though. I had to buy an XXL. I’ve been working damn hard so I could fit into something smaller than an XXL! I wore XXLs when I was 62lbs heavier!

Okay, now here’s the clincher. If I had wanted to purchase a men’s/unisex shirt I could have worn a L. The chest measurements for a XXL in women’s was 41-43 inches, while the men’s L chest measurement was 42-44 inches.

Let that sink in a little.

How to do you think that hits a girl’s self esteem? What does that say about how we think of men versus women? I’ve run into this problem a lot. Hell, I’ve recently bought a couple things online where I found myself saying, “Wow, I can actually fit the women’s sizes now.” Yeah, I can actually wear women’s clothes now. Oh, happy day! I can wear the largest size in women’s online wear! Doesn’t that sound thrilling?!

I don’t know why they market themselves this way. Is it based on some polling? Some statistical average? Is it because of media influences, or their own sales history? I don’t know. And let’s be clear: they have every right to mandate their sizing however they want. And, yeah, I will continue to shop from them because I like their art (Threadless’ $9.99 sales don’t hurt either).

However, the sizing is offensive.

Let me put things into perspective. I bought this shirt in men’s XXL when I was pregnant; I was 40lbs heavier than right now at the beginning of my pregnancy, and about 60lbs heavier by the end, but I could still wear that bad boy. I recently purchased it in women’s XXL because I loved the design and with my weight loss I can only wear my old one as a night shirt. Here’s me wearing both shirts tonight.

Attractive, isn’t it? Both extra extra larges, but what their sizing department decided was plus sized for a woman, versus a man. Doesn’t really seem fair, does it?

Now, I’m not picking on Threadless. I do love them, really! But this is a trend I’ve noticed when I go shopping for clothes. A horrible self esteem crushing trend. Cafepress does it to an extent. ThinkGeek does it too. A lot of places do this! Threadless was just my handiest reference (sorry guys!) I’m just illustrating my point.

We live in a world where women are supposed to be thin. Super thin. Insanely thin. I picked the first shirt for a reason. Yes, I jog. But more importantly, you look at it and it’s a rhino trying to be a unicorn. That rhino will never be a unicorn. It can be fit, it can be healthy, it might lose weight, but it will always be a rhino. Just like I’ll never be a size 10. Trust me. I’ve been 130lbs, and even then I was only in 12-14 pants. I’m just not built that way!

And you know what? There’s nothing wrong with that.


October Weigh In


This morning I weighed in at 187.4 lbs; I lost two inches off my waist this month, one inch off my hips, and 5.6 lbs. I’ve lost 62.6 lbs total.

I’ve been walking on my non-jogging days, just 30 minutes at 2mph. I’ve found that the time passes really quickly if I have my headphones in and I’ve got my Kindle set to an interesting book. On my jogging days I just have my headphones on, I try to find something rhythmic, and I let my mind wander. Sometimes I visualize myself losing the weight, fitting into my goal top, or I let it wander like a kid in a candy store: I plan holiday stuff, birthday parties, reorganization of my house, how I want to refinish something… it’s my me time; I take advantage of it! After my run I do yoga to cool down and stretch my muscles, it really helps to stop them from cramping up on me. It feels amazing.

I’ve been trying to play with my recipes and to try new things. Like for lunch today I made Manicotti, except instead of noodle shells I wrapped it in zucchini. It was lower in calories and carbs than it would have been, and I thought it tasted pretty good. I need to tweak it more, but I think I did alright considering I winged almost all of it.

Total weight lost (since 01/2011): 62.6 lbs
Total inches off my waist (since 02/2011): 13.5



My weight has been standing still for the past couple weeks. That is always so disheartening for me. When the scale goes down a pound every week I feel like I’m on top of the world. To me, seeing my progress is the best motivator I could ask for!

When it doesn’t though, I wonder what I’m doing wrong. I start criticizing myself. I start struggling, feeling like nothing’s going to give. Like I’m somehow failing. I know that’s not the case. As long as I haven’t given up, as long as I’m still trying, then I can not fail. Still, it doesn’t prevent me from getting into that bad head space, that funk where I feel like I’m losing. My depression indulges itself on every shred of self doubt, and I start cycling. It’s not a pretty sight. I know it’s all in my head, I know it’s all lies, I have came to know my depression inside and out. I acknowledge it, deal with it, and do my best to pulverize it. I’ve been fighting it for weeks now.

The scale this morning finally said I broke the barrier from 190 to 189.8. Barely. Still, it means I’ve gotten somewhere. That brought a lot of relief. I know it’s just a number, but when I’ve been losing and regaining the same 5lbs for weeks now, I’ll take every little bit I can. The measure around my waist is slowly dropping too, so that helps. My next mini-goal is 180, since that’s how much I weighed when I was 15, when I started having problems.

I’m trying two new recipes this week, a spaghetti squash casserole and a zucchini/squash casserole. I hope they turn out alright, I really need to try some new things. While I like the foods we’ve been eating, I know I could use a bit more variety! On that same note, I kicked my lasagna up a notch; for my meat lasagna I use ground turkey (I always use ground turkey instead of beef, I’m not a big fan of ground beef), and I added a grated carrot and some other veggies to add some more nutrition to it. It was delicious. I figured the carrot would be good, whether you tasted it or not, since carrots go in my vegetarian lasagna (which is to die for, but takes a lot longer to prepare).

My other big challenge lately has been my husband. I love him, but he is a horrible enabler. Neither of us have the best willpower, but sometimes he really undermines my efforts. I tell him to order a smaller pizza, he doesn’t because he’s “so hungry.” I tell him to order for me at a restaurant while I take the baby to grab a table, and he orders me a soda without thinking about it. I don’t want a lot of snack foods in the house because of the temptation, and yet he almost always ends up buying something he couldn’t resist. He wants me to control his diet because he wants to lose weight, and admits that he hasn’t the willpower or motivation to stick to a restricted calorie diet, but he won’t take my advice when we’re out. He wants to get takeout all the time, even though I specifically said that we need to limit it due to our budget/waistlines. I know he’s trying to be helpful, since he knows I’m exhausted and stressed out most days, but getting take out really isn’t the answer.

I’m not innocent in this, because if I’m honest with myself I could be firmer; I could say no. After a long day with a fussy baby I often give in though. It needs to stop. I think I’m going to withdraw cash each month for our “takeout budget” and tell him that once it’s gone- it’s gone. That seems the best course of action at the moment. Everything else, well we’ll work on as best we can, but this should be pretty simple. I have a feeling it will be anything but simple… but it really shouldn’t be a complicated as we’re making it!

So, that’s what I’ve been up against lately. Time to tackle them and take them down.