I’ve always struggled with my weight. I was rather fond of eating my way through my depressive episodes. I gained 100lbs through college, through infertility, and finally through recurrent pregnancy loss. I made excuses every step of the way, but I’m tired of that. There are no excuses, only explanations. The last nine years of my life have been filled with euphoric highs and extreme lows. I learned to love myself at 250lbs, I have the son I struggled for, but now I’m tired of cheating myself from having a healthy body. I got tired of telling myself that I deserve that cupcake, that I need that heaping bowl of ice cream, that it’s just one treat. It was always just one bite over the limit, and I’m tired of living like that. I want to get to know a smaller version of me. I love who I am, but I want to love me at a size 12 instead of a size 18.